Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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