Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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