I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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