you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
