In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
