I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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