He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
