Just took my morning after pill in the library
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
