Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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