She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
