Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
