So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
These tits shall not be calmed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
