but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
