Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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