I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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