like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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