Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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