Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Randomize
