blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
