I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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