can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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