I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
