why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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