you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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