Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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