So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
