so that wasnt chicken after all
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
