none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
