I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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