As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
