Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
