I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
