I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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