you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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