oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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