I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
And then he peed in my hair
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