time to smoke my breakfast
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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