I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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