His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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