this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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