I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
