found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
