did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
