We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
