Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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