The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
