I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
