I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it hurts more in the daytime
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
