My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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