Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
