Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
