Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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